Where did you come from, where did you go...

No, no, not cotton eyed Joe! LOL! I'm talking about me people!  Anyone who knows me knows that I used to be a very driven, outgoing, fun-loving person.  I used to go to college, exercise, sing, and just plain-ole have fun.  Now that I have a husband and a baby it seems like I have vanished.  I'm not saying that I wish those things wouldn't have happened, I'm saying I wish I hadn't given up everything that I am to conform to what I think I should be.  You know??

Ok, I know this may sound a little off and out of the blue, but I've been thinking about alot tonight.  So much that I CANNOT go to bed until I get some of this frustration out of me.  I really want to go back to college.  I have talked to the hubby about this before and he agrees, but I don't think he takes it seriously.  He wants me to stay home with Jax (which I do love) and do nothing but keep up the house and take care of him.  This is all fine and dandy if you are that kind of person, which I am not.  I miss school, and homework, and work! I miss being able to have some time of my own and being able to have a conversation with an adult other than "what's for dinner tonight?" and "have you paid the cable bill yet?"  Plus he is leaving me in June for another tour in Iraq and he expects me to stay here (Indianapolis) and keep our apartment, which is exactly one hour away from anyone else that I know.  I just don't think I can be that isolated for so long. 

This brings me to the hair-brained idea that came to me tonight.  What if I just moved back to Pikeville for the school year with Jaxson.  Neil will be gone anyway and  I could leave Jax with g-pa while I went to classes and maybe I could be a Big Sandy Singer again, which would give me something to do and get me back on course with school. Remember those BSS days?...

Not a big picture because it wasn't on my computer, but you get the drift. BTW-look how skinny I was, just makes me even more sad :( I just want to be normal again. I'm totally not sure about how I'm going to talk to the hub about this, he's not very good at communication sadly, and I don't want him to get mad at me.  But I don't want to spend all of my time sitting here wishing I was there,  and then looking back later and thinking that I should have done somthing about it.  Maybe going back to the singers and P-ville isn't the answer, but then again maybe it is... I'm not entirely sure where I've gone, I just know that I need to find my way back.  I need to be me.  And I don't think that is impossible just because I have a family.  I hope I can find a way to make this work and get back to being a happy, shiny person...wish me luck!